Lithigos

This year (2025) started with a heavy sense of being emotionally and physically overwhelmed, burned out from the busy holidays and working overtime. The job I was working at the time required me to manage my own hours, focus and productivity without providing the support I needed to maintain myself and my level of effort. I’ve always been someone who puts a lot of effort into my work and I take pride in the results, but this has often led to me being easily burned out. This job left me exhausted and I dreaded every moment of it, more than any work I’ve ever done. Before 2024 was even over I was so done with everything and wanted to sleep, to just stop existing, for a while. So, for the month of January, I called off all social engagements and deleted all social media apps, making space to care for myself. I changed my phone charging location, started a more consistent skincare routine, and made some changes to my meal prep so I wouldn't have to cook very often. And I slept, a lot. ...

Ghosts were singing in my ears, their screams filled my glass of water, translating the words of the song through vibration from the fourth to the third dimension. It went something like this: I was wandering the woods, stuck in a tree; In one moment I was there, in another I was not. In the grand scheme of time and space,  these were the same. The ghosts said to me, "It might not be easy, "But try to believe us; "We are here. "Try, though you cannot see." I thought it was a hymn, But they were just trying to teach me  how to see the wind.

I kept watch over the body and awaited your return, knowing what we left behind was vital;  While you were gone I fought to stay brave, looking to the heavens as the choir of birds sung haunting hymns that threatened to find and cage us away; I remained resolute, awaiting among the blissful silence for the sound of wind.  I knew you would return as I saw the storm approach, clouds swirling, a wall of rain marching towards us, your voice ringing like a bell of freedom through the torrent.  You emerged from the shadow of the forest as the tornado tiptoed around us, now afraid of the power bursting from your veins.  As you arrived at the foot of the body, we could feel the warmth of your souls vibrancy, flames melting from your skin, the story of the world bright in your eyes.  The body breathed back to life, held in your embrace; all was becoming quiet as we chased the birds from the forest and ran home.  Though their song was sweet with promise, those birds ...

 Much of my life in recent years has been spent relearning the joys of childhood, rediscovering some of its magic with a new appreciation and perspective offered by the trials of adulthood.  Pondering on the topic, I am reminded of a period of life where the magic I experienced was theoretical, a fantasy I could escape to, hidden away in my loft away from my trauma. It was odd, being so in tune with the magic I knew existed but being so removed from it. But it was a necessary thing, as the perspective it now lends strengthens the force of the wonder I can now feel. It's always been found in little things, like the excitement of coming home from the library with a stack of new books to read, pulling myself away from a book only to be drawn back moments later; it's in the wind in the treetops, in sun on the water, in the shadows of the woods at sunset. It's in the echo of sadness I feel as I dance in the rain, and in the sly quiet of the house in the middle of the night. It i...

I've always felt at odds with what society (institutions) and my family expects of me. A big part of my journey in becoming who I am was trying to live up to those expectations and realizing that the accomplishments, the lifestyles, the behavior, none of it served me. I felt too pressured to fit an ideal that meant nothing to me. I don't regret that I went through that phase of life, even if it took me a couple years to work through before finally feeling okay, because it gave me a lot of perspective that has shaped me and given me a confidence and passion I probably couldn't have forged otherwise. Now that I'm on the other side of it, I can better appreciate the outlook I have formed and can look forward with optimism. If you're curious, read on and you'll find some of the conclusions I have come to. By the way, I'm not trying to change anyone's mind by sharing this, so please, do hesitate to comment if you find yourself getting defensive. ______...

I recently became unemployed for the first time since I started working at age sixteen, over eight years ago. While I have despised capitalism especially in the past two years, it is interesting discovering all the ways that capitalist ideals have been ingrained in me without my realizing it. For starters, it's become apparent to me that - taking into account my neurodivergent tendencies - the work ethic I've curated over the years, and the pride from being considered a good worker was a part of my identity that was more important to me than I ever would have expected. In this society that drills into us from an early age that we must be able to be productive and contribute to capitalism in order to achieve success (often at the expense of our needs outside of work), it is implied that anyone who is incapable of working is not valuable to society. As a neurodivergent person, I could be considered disabled under capitalist standards. That, along with the fact that the economy is...